Posted by Simcha on November 29, 2001, at 15:27:23
Folks,
I see many conversations about the virtues and vices of 12-step programs. I know that for myself, 12-step programs have been life-savers when nothing else was working.
I've been a member of Al-Anon (for family and friends of alcoholics) for 6+ years. I joined the next few programs in short order (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, and Survivors of Incest Anonymous.)
That being said. I was one messed up dude before starting therapy 10 years ago. After four years of therapy I became convinced that therapy alone was not the answer. I needed a spiritual solution with spiritual tools. This is what the 12-steps offer. For me these days it has become another tool in the arsenal to become stable and stay out of the depression, OCD (sexual compulsion), and anxiety.
Eventually it became obvious that talk therapy and 12-step groups weren't enough for me. I need meds. I finally accepted this fact at the beginning of the year and I have grown in acceptance of this fact since.
The trouble is that 12-steppers can be rather dogmatic in their interpretation of addiction and the causes thereof. Certainly many 12-steppers remain very suspicious of employing medication as a tool for recovery since "self-medicating" was part of the problem. I had my prejudices about meds too and that is why it took me so long to accept meds as a tool in my arsenal. I admit that the 12-step bias against meds did influence me. Was it due to 12-step dogma and the "cult" mentality? Hmm..
I will submit to you that every religion is a cult. We as human beings need to choose wisely with whom we entrust our spiritual instruction. Too often do people just "go along" with conventional religion never really discerning what path they really need to follow.
But I digress...
The 12-step dogma did entrance me for a while. I do not regret it. I had to be SHOWN that the only way I would get almost complete relief from mental illness was to use medication. I was shown that I needed medication because my life became very unmanageable as my depression worsened and the OCD strengthened its hold on me. 12-step spirituality was a tool I used to discern this truth.
In 12-step, in step one, we admit that we are powerless over "x." (fill in your choice of addiction, alcohol, cocaine, food, sex, etc.) I came to realize that I was powerless over the depression and the compulsion. My therapist at the time (also in 12-step recovery) helped me to see that I had a medical problem that required a medical solution in order to bring some manageability to my life.
I now see that I absolutely need my meds to balance the chemistry in my brain. I have a physical problem. Spiritual solutions can help me with this illness too. Yet when the problem is physical in nature it requires some sort of physical treatment. I look at hypnotherapy and 12-step spirituality as supportive therapies now for the mental illness. The meds truly are my #1 treatment today. Medication makes my life livable. I would never give up my spiritual path because that makes my life worth living.
At the moment I am not attending any 12-step meetings. Those of you in 12-step can hold your tongues with the typical response of, "a relapse is sure to follow." I have found this not to be the case. I believe I have learned my lessons from 12-step meetings. I have a fellowship of friends and fellow spiritualists (not 12-step) from whom I get support. I still keep in touch with friends I've made in the meetings. I just haven't found any meetings in my area that suit me (recently moved to a new state, city) and this tells me that G-d may be telling me that meetings have served their purpose.
I believe I have found the correct mix of support and meds for this stage of my life. For that I am very grateful.
Do I regret the time spent in 12-step meetings and doing 12-step work? NO! I believe that this was necessary for me at the time. I'm grateful that these meetings were there for me.
Do I believe the dogma of 12-step blindly? NO! I do not believe that once an addict always an addict. (Of course I cannot go back to anonymous sex. That might lead me back to compulsivity. Of course on the meds and with support anonymous sex does not look like an attractive option now.) I also, therefore, do not believe that all addicts need to go to meetings for the rest of their lives for fear of relapse. I choose to live as if I am "cured." Really it's more a matter of maintenance (regular meds, continual support, etc.)
I welcome an honest discussion on the merits and the pitfalls of 12-step groups. Please be civil. It's OK to be passionate but, I've made this mistake here too, we need to be civil here to maintain a level of support to one another. Let's not knock what works for someone just because it does not work for us. (I did this with homeopathy when I first joined this board.)
Anyone Game?
Simcha
poster:Simcha
thread:14538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14538.html