Posted by Anna Laura on November 23, 2001, at 4:29:48
In reply to Joy battling Fear, posted by tina on November 22, 2001, at 7:47:11
> I remember that I was a happy child. Fearless-some say. However, I remember the summer that I turned 14. I spent three months on the couch in front of the tv eating ice cream.
> I remember highschool. Grades 9 and 10 were dismal. I had two friends, not close. I was intelligent but 'moody.'
> I switched to another HS for grade 11 and the one thing I remember most about that time is the feeling of joy doing battle with the feeling of fear. 16 years old. I became the popular, life of the party, gameshow host. I had tons of friends, bad grades(didn't care), smoked pot, drank and partied every night. But...I can strongly remember the battle that raged on inside. Fear vs. Joy.
> That battle still rages on inside me. Every situation, every change, every day....Joy vs. Fear.
> Fear is winning. Joy is fading. Is this the normal course of life? Is this "growing up?" Can the battle ever be won, will the battle ever end?
> Is Joy weaker? Is Fear stronger?
> What weapons have I?
>
>
> a deep thinking tina
Dear Tina,Hope there won't be any big mistakes or flaws in this mail, cause English is not my language.
I don't believe about joy fading away with time.
I don't listen anymore to the people telling me joy belongs to the youth. I used to believe to their statements, and i felt depressed and hopeless.
When i hear something like that i start interrogating myself about their lifes: are they happy with themselves? Did they reach out for the things they wanted? Most of the times the answer is no; The problem with these people is that they didn't succeed in maturing properly which is growing stronger and wiser without loosing happiness: they lost the battle, but they are not blaming themselves for that, which it could "save" them in the long run, they're blaming life for that, so they're trying to persuade you that ther's nothing you can do about it, "it's life, you know," and shit like that.
I think that one of the challenges of adulthood is to figure out how maintaining joy without loosing experience and wisdom; As you grow older you're more aware of what's going on around you: more facts are coming up to you that need to be explained, elaborated and put in your life context. Most people are lazy, they prefer to push these issues aside. In italy we say: it's about putting the dust under the carpets. But one day ther's too much dust that need to be swept away.
I believe that joy is a continuos process, always rearranging your life vision with the things happening around you; the analogy that comes up to my mind is about the house;it's like having to furnish your house from time to time, changing home interiors ,decorations etc...it's a creative process that takes some effort which is getting trickier as the time goes by; it's about adapting and battling constantly to keep our horizon clear and colorful.
I don't think we should be over anxious and vigilant about it; the battle it's not about constantly ruminating about the best way to live our lives: it should be more like something spontaneous and natural, like walking; I think that fears need to be faced in order to be happy; the battle is forever. Our own bodies are teaching this: isn't our skin constantly dying and building itslef again and again aren't our cells constantly fighting? Isn't our heart constantly pumping? The promise lies within the most hidden parts of our physiology : we can be happy forever.
poster:Anna Laura
thread:14177
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14216.html