Posted by Simcha on November 21, 2001, at 7:39:06
Folks, I put this in Social because it is not exactly specifically about meds. If Dr. Bob wants to move this, it's okee dokee by me.
Here goes.....I'm experiencing a real sense of calm in my life right now. My med mix is Celexa 40mg and Wellbutrin SR 200mg. I'm very greatful for this mix because it has helped me to remain stable over the past three months. I really believe that my pdoc and I have found the best mix for me right now.
OK, this is probably stinkin' thinkin' but.... I'm concerned about the future. I'm trying not to become complacent in my treatment. I have known too many people in my life who live with mental illness who have become stable and then decided that they do not need meds (because after all, they feel fine!) so they go off of them only to relapse worse than ever!
My boyfriend's newest friend is bipolar and has weaned himself off of meds and for now he looks fine. It sort of makes me want to experiment with my dosage and attempt to move myself off of meds.
I need voices of reason right now. I have severe depression on both sides of my family. On my father's side of the family there are many who were downright psychotic and they had to be committed, unfortunately. I have had low grade depression for my entire life. I've been suffering from sexual compulsivity and general OCD for most of my life. I have had at least 4 major depressive episodes in my short 31 year old life.
Given all of that history it should be a no-brainer for me to understand that when things are going this well and I'm stable on meds that I should continue to listen to my pdoc and remain on my meds. Some part of me wants to beleive that I am "cured" somehow. I want to believe that somehow I know better than the pdoc and that I will escape the family genes that predispose me to mental illness. I want to believe that somehow I have escaped.
I want to understand that the escape from the unmanageability of my mental illness has only come through the hard work of therapy and medication. None of my life made any sense before therapy. Even with therapy alone my life was unmanageable. Now with meds and therapy my life is stable and manageable.
It seems that this is common amongst those of us who feel better on meds. Why is it that I believe that things will be OK without the medication when 31 years of evidence has proven otherwise? Can someone answer this?
Does anyone else relate to this?
I think I will put a copy of this over in the regular Babble room because I did talk about meds.
Thanks,
Simcha.
poster:Simcha
thread:14149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14149.html