Posted by sar on October 29, 2001, at 10:29:50
In reply to Is anxiety worse than depression FOR YOU, posted by PaulB on October 28, 2001, at 10:12:15
hi Paul,
i've been thinking about this question and have been unable to pick the two--anxiety and depression--apart.
when i was 13 or so, my shyness developed into social anxiety, and my dysthymia developed into depression. it all happened at once, though perhaps at that point the social anxiety was contributing more heavily to the depression because it was middle school and time to be self-conscious anyway...
because anxiety is fear, i can't imagine having it without also being depressed...how can life be pleasureful when you essentially live in fear other others (social anxiety) or are trying to shop for a toothbrush while thinking I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE...(generalised anxiety).
in april of last year, my longtime boyfriend and i broke up. i had, for all practical purposes, been living with him, and he'd treated me wonderfully, he took care of me, loved me deeply, and already (without knowing it) had lifted me out of a terrible depression. i broke up with him, so i initially felt very free, but not long after, the anxiety set in, the worst anxiety i'd ever felt in my entire life, because it gripped my legs and made them stiff, it tore my brain to shreds and made my hands tremble all the time, i was so on edge and freaked out at losing his love that i began drinking alot to calm down, and i think all of this contributed to the worst, most suicidal depression of my life.
i got lucky with meds, because prozac picked me up and gave me strength, and with klonopin added to that, my social anxiety melted away--a really amazing and eye-opening experience...suddenly i could talk to people, it didn't matter who, i wasn't cowering, i was working retail and making people laugh, and my newfound ability to socialize comfortably (without thinking that everyone secretly hated me, or that everything i was saying was completely stoopid, not feeling claustrophobic around people or like i was about to faint) assauged my depression a fair amount.
i'm not anxious much these days, but i do feel depressed at heart. the anxiety comes and goes, but depression is part of my body and always has been. i have fun now, i'm getting my life back together and often feel good, but it runs in my blood and i think that's more dangerous and frightening than anxiety. anxiety is just horribly uncomfortable.
what a trade-off, bah...
poster:sar
thread:13064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/13091.html