Posted by dreamer on August 20, 2001, at 21:42:12
In reply to Cat Rules, Time for Some Silliness, posted by susan C on August 20, 2001, at 19:22:05
> BATHROOMS - Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
> necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
>
> DOORS - Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door
> open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it
> is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door
> opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is
> particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
> season.
>
> CHAIRS AND RUGS - If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
> If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no
> Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you
> back up so it is as long as a human's bare foot.
>
> HAMPERING - If one of your humans is engaged in some activity, and
> the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping,"
> otherwise known as hampering." Following are the rules for hampering:
>
> a. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You
> cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and
> then
> picked up and comforted.
> b. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes
> and book--unless you can lie across the book itself.
>
> c. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard,
> bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap across arms,
> hampering typing in progress.
>
> WALKING - As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible
> in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something
> in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This
> will help their coordination skills.
>
> BEDTIME - Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
>
>
> LITTER BOX - When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out
> of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between
> their toes.
>
> HIDING - Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans
> cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any
> circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love)
> thinking
> that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will
> cover you with love and kisses, and you probably will get a treat.
>
> ONE LAST THOUGHT - Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
> their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this,
> so do it often. And don't forget their guests!
>
> Dreamer, thought of you and your attentive feline when my friend sent me this...hope it got a chuckle.
>
> Signed,
> M. Mouse, scampering in the walls.
poster:dreamer
thread:9788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/9983.html