Posted by mila on August 14, 2001, at 19:50:10
In reply to Re: memories, posted by akc on August 14, 2001, at 14:50:15
dear AKC,
please forgive me. I didn't mean to scare you. Gosh, I am so sorry.
Stealing, lying, and cheating are not rotten things. they are pretty normal (unless pathological) and occasionally useful:) I really meant abhorrent physical and sexual abuse I was subjected to after the age of 6. I must also tell you that I do not really hate people who did this to me. I do not care anymore about that stuff generally. I was mostly talking about how I felt today: need to feel playful, innocent, and well groomed:) I had a very exausting and physically 'abusive' school year, which is culminating now in summer university final exams, hence my mentioning of cruelties. I am well aware that I did it all to myself and I hope that in 'afterlife', on vacatons that is, I will be able to recover and rethink the ways i did things this year. My mind is very symbolic, that is a blessing and a curse. 99% of the time I speak, I speak about things metaphorically attempting to delineate my situation in the moment.
For me, God is good. I rarely talk to him through my prayers, only when I am extremely grateful and I know that no one will be able to understand or share my awe but him.
my current understanding of why bad happens is actually 'because I've been bad', although not in a moral sense, which is what you probably meant. 'Bad' in my understanding is either about too much pride and too little courage, or about lack of skill ( as in bad leader, bad cook, etc.)
suffering is the only feedback about our mistakes (our own and other people's). Unfortunately, suffering doesn't come with manual about how to correct those immediately and simply. Education, exploration, and, hey, even therapy are blessings in this situation. I am terribly happy that you are receiving a top notch treatment, but let me remind you that it took you decades and many trials and errors to get there. So, while you are enjoying your luck, remember to discern a sense of pride in your feelings. You totally deserve it. I am very proud of you.
I am very cautious with 'life is not fair' statement. when it starts to come to my mind, I always pay attention to the attitude which caused it. Is it wisdom, or arrogance?
thanks for an excellent thread. you did it again :) you are wonderful
mila
poster:mila
thread:9535
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9604.html