Posted by Glenn Fagelson on August 9, 2001, at 22:02:11
In reply to Re: What would you do? Help me., posted by susan C on August 8, 2001, at 18:54:17
> Dear Gracie,
>
> I would probably have done the same thing.
>
> You don't describe what happened after he started crying. Did you touch him? Will you contact him to let him now know how you feel?
>
> Like Greg, I too dont understand your spouse's reaction, except that I too have had mine intercede when I am about to do something that 'will make things worse' and later, begrudgingly, I have appreciated his help.
>
> Has he cried about the loss of your brother?
>
> When you were describing the scene with your dad, I imagined my dad across the table from me.
>
> You see, my dad died of cancer three months before my brother suicided. So, I haven't heard a word from my dad about my brother's death. True, it is different situation, but I would like to think that we would have cried together, held hands and grieved the loss of a great guy whom we loved.
>
> From a keyboard wet with tears, hugs
> -SDear Susan,
I can really sense your pain. I am so sorry.
Do you still have other family members who
are still around?
Glenn
>
>
> > I see my Dad only once or twice a year because he lives in some exotic place being an architectural engineer. When we do meet, there are kisses on the cheek, how's the weather, very polite, let's-do-lunch-again-sometime. It's very shallow and impersonal and makes me sad.
> > This year I decided that things would be different, that I would force him into more personal conversation. The thing that has always bothered me most about my Dad is that he's never said a single word to me about the death of my brother. Not one
> > word. My brother died in a military aircrash and there is a memorial at Fort Campbell for the soldiers who died on the plane. I took out the pictures and placed them on the table in front of my Dad:
> >
> > Dedicated to the memory of the 248 soldiers of Task Force 3-502, multinational force and observers, 101st
> > Airborne Division (Air Assault)who perished at Gander, Newfoundland while returning home from peacekeeping duty in the Sinai Peninsula.
> > "Our courageous peacekeepers
> > have departed our midst suddenly.
> > And they have ascended to heights
> > Where even Screaming Eagles can't fly."
> >
> > My dad took off his glasses, and he began to weep. I was shocked beyond belief. Dad doesn't show his feelings; I thought prehaps we could discuss MINE, because I'm still having a terrible time handling Shayne's death. I never meant to hurt him. I've never seen my father cry.
> > When I got home, my husband was disgusted with me. He said, "You wanted to get a reaction out of him, and you did. What's the problem?" I couldn't believe he said that to me. I took a beer out of the refrigerator and he said, "Oh no." He snatched it away from me. "That always just makes you worse." He sounded repulsed.
> >
> > I don't know what to do now. I feel like shoving everything I can fit into my hatchback and moving down to the Louisiana swamps, where nobody will ever find me. I don't know what to do.
> > -Gracie
poster:Glenn Fagelson
thread:8982
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010807/msgs/9100.html