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Re: ditto ditto ditto an infinitum....etc....

Posted by Anna Laura on July 22, 2001, at 7:57:59

In reply to Re: ditto ditto ditto an infinitum....etc...., posted by sar on July 22, 2001, at 2:51:24

> Props to the other posters, they're right-on.
>
> I can't imagine how cancer feels or how AIDS feels, but depression can feel like--dying.
>
> I don't even know if undepressesed people deserve to be shown informative, scientific/psychological info on depression. As a whole, they seem to just Not Get It. Eat potatoes instead of prozac, get married, paint, do some yoga, look at the bright side of things!
>
> depression is one of those confusing confounding controversial illnesses. i think of it like this: a reasonably happy healthy person doesn't know what major depression feels like, and I equivocate (is that a word?) to me (suburban white girl) not knowng how it would have felt to be a slave in the south 150 yrs ago. I can only vaguely imagine, and it exists in my mind as some sort of story, and to think that people really experieced the whole of their lives that way--well, it can be too much to swallow without feeling absolutely blastedly terrible.
>
> Unfortunately, depression is still highly stigmatized...I recently made the decision to never discuss it in dpeth with my friends...to some of my closer firends I say that I've got "some sort of mood disorder" but the masses--well, lots of them are depressed themselves and Know, and if they don't well fuck 'em.
>
> Is depression private for a reason? perhaps. i know nothing. i just know the differnece in people's understanding of it--and you'll see it in their eyes without having to explain.
>
> wishing you well,
> sar

Hi Sar

I definetely subscribe every single line of your post.
I saw my mother yesterday (second time in seven years). I felt terrible, i felt that there was a fire burning inside my head, didn't know where to turn, i had to swallow an antipsychotic just to look normal (trying to quit meds i suspect they're making my depression worse, still it's like jumping down from a ship in a middle of a storm).
My mother asked me how i felt (i guess she realized i wasn't o.k.) i told her that i felt sick because i had my period. Couldn't eat, swallowing food was such a pain!
My mother's fianceé realized i was forcing myself to eat; he asked me why ;"don't you like the food i prepared for you?" he said.
"Sorry, i feel noxious" i answered.
After eleven years of depression i realized i can't talk about it. I'm sick and tired of hearing words like "React!" or "Do something!"
they make me feel as i was retarded.
That's why i have to conceal my secret monster, depression. Another reason is that i'm afraid my family would put me in some kind of asylum.
Yesterday i hardly made it trough the day: i felt like i did LSD; i could hardly understand what was going on, what people were saying, etc...
In the worst moments i hid myself in the bathroom. That's the only think i can do: i just can't get any support. My fianceé wouldn't understand either. He was like" I know you don't feel so bad, you think you feel bad, you're just scared and fear makes you think you feel terrible wheares you'd only be a little sick.
Fear is capable of making things look bigger then they're normally".
When i told him i lost my ideals and i lost myself, the person i used to be, he would say things like: "it's just an impression, it's not real"
"How can you tell this? You're not inside my head" i told him.
"I can tell that because i can feel you"
"I don't feel anything whatsoever instead and you're in denial because you don't want to face the truth".
"You're not so sick" he would add.
Then i would end the discussion saying :"o.k. you're right, would you leave me alone now ?".

That's it folks. I think you are the only ones who can understand what i'm going through.


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poster:Anna Laura thread:7717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7740.html