Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2014, at 9:12:39
In reply to Re: Saw him, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2014, at 8:53:02
> I feel like a damn idiot for thinking he could ever actually care about me. I feel like a damn fool for having one sided relationships that are all in my head. I feel fiscally irresponsible as well.
I suppose those delusions are something I could work on in therapy. But the simple truth is that I dislike most therapists. I dislike the "direct" Dr. Phil types. A society sanctioned cruelty. I dislike the mushy "caring nurturers". I dislike the psychobabble "empathy" and efforts to bond. There are more than a few idiots out there, including stupid bitch referred therapist. Who says "I'm happy to have the chance to meet you." to someone who only met you because their therapist disappeared off the face of the earth and is hysterical with grief over it?
My therapist may be irresponsible and may not care all that much about me. But at least he wouldn't say anything that asinine. He wouldn't mirror body postures or say things like "i guess you're feeling pretty upset" when you're sobbing hysterically. Or if he did, he'd laugh at himself and apologize. Maybe admit he'd fallen back on training because he wasn't really sure what to say. He wouldn't be a caring nurturer, and he wouldn't be rudely direct. He wasn't too hard or too soft. Maybe I even like him for his occasional stupidities and flaws. They made him approachable.
Women therapists are often critical of my lack of concern for my appearance. I wear what feels comfortable. I put my hair in pigtails or ponytails because it's cool. I don't wear makeup. I wear tennis shoes, and if I must be formal, ballerina flats. I've had everything from disapproving glances to open statements of disapproval.
Which is why if I need to see a therapist for some discrete task, it's going to be him. And it's not like I can work on my delusions with him. He'd just say I wasn't stupid and that he did love me as a therapy-daughter.
poster:Dinah
thread:1067158
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1067334.html