Posted by Partlycloudy on October 31, 2013, at 21:51:29
In reply to Re: Thinking we are different » SLS, posted by baseball55 on October 31, 2013, at 19:32:12
> I might be duplicating my post, but I think I didm't hit the send button.
>
> Anyway -- Feeling special, I think, is something we get as children, if we have loving parents. Good parents think of their children as special and are intently interested in every thing they do. Look, She's crawling! Isn't that wonderful! Look at you! You are the very best little boy in the world! What a beautiful drawing! Wow! You used the potty all by yourself.
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> Nothing about any of these things are unique in any way. But to involved, loving parents, it all seems wonderful, amazing.
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> I didn't get this as a child. But children who do get this develop self-esteem, confidence that they can function in the world, a feeling of safety and a belief in the good-will of others.
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> As adults, they realize that they are not so amazing, not so unique, not so special. But they have the self-esteem to persevere.
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> I was so deprived of any feeling of being special as a child, that as an adult, I craved recognition and respect and became enraged when I didn't get it. I needed desperately to see myself as unique and better than others, even though I wasn't so amazing. It drove me to work very hard, but if I didn't get the validation I craved, I kind of fell apart.
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> When I first started seeing my p-doc -- like the second or third session -- he said, without external validation, you just fall apart. You lack the capacity to feel consistently good about yourself.
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> Now I have no desire to be special or unique. I want, more than anything, to be connected and feel part of the human community. Life is much easier this way.Ditto. Just about exactly my experience, and ultimate feeling.
It's a process, perhaps.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1053368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130930/msgs/1053489.html