Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2013, at 1:20:51
i'm feeling very depressed about my thesis. i was reading back through the archives a little the other day, and i think i know why... my advisors are all horrible perfectionists who expect as much from their grad students as they expect from themselves... except of course we simply can't be that good because we haven't been in the game as long... but what we do... reflects on them... is a part of them... and all the perfectionist feelings and struggle... well, you get theirs, too.
i've never had people call honest work (work i'd put an honest amount of time and effort into) sh*t. or just rip it apart like it was a pointless waste of time. or just shrug and go do something else like it was a boring pointless waste of time. or whatever...
and then part of the process is coming to internalize that. internalizing the standard. it isn't so hard to see why one might feel depressed when one only looks at and compares oneself to the very best there is. in my field... people are at their best later in life just before their mind starts to addle. young people... well you haven't been exposed to the billions of different reasons why this and that and the next thing you are going to think of won't work. centuries of people are five steps ahead of you oh yes siree they are.
so... apparently the advice you give depends on the student. some students need to be told that they really need to write *good* stuff and edit their own work etc (because they constantly inundate their supervisory panel with every random raving they have ever thought up. and other students need to be told they really need to just hand the bloody thing in already because it really isn't supposed to be that hard and it really doesn't have to be particularly good. because the world understands that you are just starting out... and all a phd is is a lisence to practice research. give me some money and i'll put in some time and effort and produce something. an article or two or three and a book. or similar. there is precedent.
the standard of completion now is what people were expected to get to when they were coming up for tenure before. just getting an entry level job in the field. it can be done in 3 years if you work hard... but only if your advisor helps you keep your focus and keep you progressing.
i faded out. too scared to show anybody anything. only got negative feedback for work i'd done. never got 'send it off' (to a journal) for stuff that (in hindsight) should have been sent (would need major updating now). nobody will do it for you... you have to stand up and fight for it.
trouble is... i just needed people to tell me that it was worth my standing up and fighting for it. i don't know. i didn't need to hear that i was amazing or anything like that. just that i didn't suck. just not to hear that i sucked. something encouraging. now and then. well i suppose we got it now and then (drunken - of course you are good you wouldn't be here if you weren't). didn't quite seem to count...
i guess i'm supposed to be independent and not high maintenence. but surely... isn't it about the handover to the journal editors? oh... i guess editors typically tell people they suck, too (over 95% rejection rate).
all the bolshy undergrads sending their essay on descartes. or actually more phd student sending their coursework...
some people need to be told to stop and others need to be told to start.
blech.
i have to apply for an extension. by saturday at the latest (before or on the expiration date). the more i put it off... the less appropriate it seems for me to send my advisor my stuff and figure out stuff to say to ask him to support my extension.
if it isn't approved...
game over.
and there it is.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1046976
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1046976.html