Posted by emmanuel98 on July 28, 2011, at 22:09:08
I came into his waiting area and one of the chair was gone. He was sitting on it, with his legs propped up on a stool. His knees were all swollen by the braces under his pants. He said he had had to call so many people to cancel while he was under the influence of strong pain killers. How many people did you have to call, I asked him? About 30, he said, but most of those are people I see only once a month or so for meds. You can imagine the emotions this set off. 30 patients to call to take two weeks off. And I know he is semi-retired, so this is nothing compared to the load he would have had two years ago.
I'm starting to hate this feeling of dependency. I aksed him if I could get him anything, fill his water bottle for him, go get him lunch, anything. He said he has someone bringing him lunch needs nothing from me. He doesn't need me. He did read the book I sent him and thanked me for it and recommended some other books to me. That made me feel almost like we were friends.
But we are not friends. And I left feeling sorry for him -- he has a swimming pool behind his house (yes, I have driven by it) and a house near the beach at the cape (have driven by that too) -- and can't use either because he is on a walker and is not allowed to get his legs wet. But I felt sad for myself too. I want to help him somehow. I asked if I could fill his water bottle, but he said he was fine. I felt bad talking about myself with him sitting there with a walker and his legs propped on a stool.
How do you deal with a (temporarily) disabled T? For me, wanting to take care of him has been an on-going theme.
wanting to be important to him and his life. But I am not.
poster:emmanuel98
thread:992203
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/992203.html