Posted by Solstice on April 16, 2011, at 9:58:27
In reply to Re: Paying for services not yet rendered?, posted by jane d on April 15, 2011, at 21:56:44
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> > I followed your suggestion (which I thought was great) and asked for their written policy - including how they will handle money they have collected for future appointments that don't take place due to illness, or the therapist cancelling, etc. They responded "It's hanging on the wall - you can have a copy of it if you come to pick it up." I felt so insulted! They refused to put a copy of it in the mail!
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> Rude. Amazingly rude.Yeah.. it really set off my anxiety and trust issues.
> > I'm going to talk to my son about it and see if we can't meet together with his therapist. I need to hear his therapist tell me that he thinks these crazy, random, unpredictable apts are therapeutically appropriate for my son, and I need to hear an explanation about his agreement with the office policy requiring his clients to pay for four appointments in advance.
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> Even if doing so might permanently change your son's relationship with his therapist? What does your son need to hear? How does he feel about all of this?It surprises (and kinda hurts) me - I mean it sounds like - without my saying anything to imply it and without your asking any questions - you've jumped to the conclusion that I am a bull in a china closet mother who is ready to barge in without any regard for my son. The only reason this thing bothers me in the first place is Because I am sensitive to my son's needs. He's a quiet, contemplative type - nonconfrontational - and is in a 'system' that I fear feels powerful to him... like he has no choice and well.... I need to remember that I don't need to explain myself to you..
> I can only begin to imagine how you must feel watching your son have to deal with this. And how hard it must be to figure out when to give him the advantage of your experience and when to let him get his own. But I do know how incompetent I would have felt if my mother had involved herself in a situation like this when I was just barely an adult.gee... it feels like I've been judged as a bull-in-a-china-closet mother - and I'm supposed to feel shame about being so insensitive (as if I am.) There's something about your approach here that is really hurtful. And I'm already hurting. I think part of my internal struggle over this issue is that I am Not inclined to involve myself. He is in school, lives at home, does not have a job (he's tried, but the economy sucks), so he is not self-supporting, and he is not self-protective. I hate for therapy to be the place where he has to learn to look out for himself... hence my pain. If anything, I feel bad about having been so hands-off... like I left him stranded to figure this thing out on his own - and because he's so young - he's unaware of the unusual nature of what's going on - and its potential to be counter-therapeutic for him. I've never spoken to his therapist. He has asked me to come with him at times, but he has never been able to get an apt time that I can make it.
I appreciate support at this time, and assuming the best about my intentions regarding my son would be much more helpful to me that challenging me 'as if' I am an overbearing, insensitive mother.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:982589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983006.html