Posted by 64Bowtie on July 8, 2010, at 18:46:28
I recently took over as caregiver for my 89 year old Dad... He left the apartment grumbling... As he left I was saying, "I'm still here"... He grumbled, "I don't give a s__t!"... I added, "We know you don't"...
Obviously I am right on the one hand that I can't care for the mental illness of a relative or close friend... The extra closeness leaves them extra-defiant... But on the otherhand, he needs family intercession with Government on his behalf...
What I am "moarning, groaning and suffering" about is that he accused me of hatred toward him, a detail I have studied as him crossing the line... The very statement is evidence of his "life or death" defensiveness in defiance... My (continuing) mistake is to encourage him to learn...
He defiantly declared, "I already know all that stuff"... I ask, "Do you know it perfectly"... His answer is, "I know all there is to know about the topic"... I responded, "Please check it out to see if there might be something you missed"... In defiance, he declares, "Stop calling me a liar!"... I ask, "Are you perfect?"... He says, "No body's perfect!"... "So", I say, "Check this out to see if you might learn some thing you missed as a favor to me"... "To hell with you," he responds, "You're calling me a liar and that you hate me for it!"...
I let him know that I have long since outgrown hate and hatred... Hatred is for children who can't yet grasp indifference... Also, I am still his caregiver as living proof of my loving and caring, leaving no room for indifference... To which he strode to the door to leave the apartment...
In summation, I can't deal with my Dad's mental illness in light of all this defiance, and because of the extra closeness of family... How do I practice caregiving with this "Sword of Damaclese" over my head??? This is my current puzzle as me being my own "Puzzlemaster"......
Rod
poster:64Bowtie
thread:953819
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/953819.html