Posted by PrincessDi on May 11, 2010, at 11:19:53
In reply to Re: T rejected gift! » PrincessDi, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2010, at 9:24:13
> Is he frequently insensitive?
> HE DOES HAVE TIMES THAT HE IS VERY INSENSITIVE...I HAVE BEEN AWARE OF THAT BUT I USUALLY THINK ITS SOMETHING I'VE DONE.
> Because no matter what he intended, his intervention was insensitive. Moreover, he apparently had it planned for some time since the gift was sitting there under the desk.
> HE STATED HE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A GIFT...AS I STATED I HAD WRITTEN IN THE FRONT OF THE BOOK...COULD IT BE THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT THE BOOK?
> Saying he would find a place for *your* bowl in *his* office sounds on the face of it to be hostile. I'M WONDERING WHY HE CAN'T ACCEPT A TOKEN THANK YOU.
>
> It's hard to imagine someone that insensitive in this situation not being insensitive in other situations.
>
> He needs to learn to use his words better. In other words, if he doesn't wish to receive gifts but allowed them in the past and now sees that it has become a standard thing, he needs to address the gifts in terms of the issue of giving gifts in general. His feelings about that, that he doesn't wish to receive gifts, how your gift giving might be understood to be a given in social situations but that he doesn't see it as appropriate in therapy situations. Or even explore if you have motivations other than to give traditional and socially acceptable tokens of your appreciation for him and caring for him.
> I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IF THERE WAS A PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE INFORMED ME...THIS WAS A TOTAL SHOCK. HE HAS OTHER THINGS IN HIS OFFICE FROM OTHER CLIENTS (I HAVE ASKED ABOUT A FEW OF THEM) SO I KNEW FROM THE START THAT HE WAS OPEN TO GIFTS...I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN RESPECTFUL OF PERSONAL BOUNDRIES.
> Instead of making it about the idea of gift giving, he made it about the gifts themselves. He has no use for the book. He'll make room in his space for your belonging. It's hard for me to believe that that is appropriate in any setting at all.
>
> It might be worthwhile to see if he's got any other hidden ways of seeing your relationship that you don't share.
> I'M NOT SURE OF WHAT YOU MEAN BY THIS STATEMENT...CAN YOU EXPOUND PLEASE.
> Although frankly, unless he apologized for his rudeness and claimed temporary insanity, or explained that he didn't at all mean what I thought I heard, or he had important therapeutic reasons (at least in his own mind) he'd have to have some pretty darn good compensating strengths for me to muster the energy to work on the therapeutic alliance.
>
> Does he have compensating strengths? HE HAS BEEN KIND AND CONSISTANT...HOWEVER, IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS IT HAS BEEN TENSE AND WHEN I ASK HIM ABOUT IT HE STATES NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I AM BAFFLED TO SAY THE LEAST!!!
>
> (P.S., if you used to post here under another name, even years ago, you'd probably better announce that on the Administration Board. It's something Dr. Bob requests when reregistering under a different name. No need to give the previous name unless you wish to. Just that you used to post under another name. No further explanation needed.)
poster:PrincessDi
thread:947054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/947085.html