Posted by lingonberry on December 13, 2009, at 4:03:53
In reply to emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by southernsky on December 12, 2009, at 18:38:35
> I've recently developed attachment feelings for my T of several months, which led to insight A, which led to insights B, C, D...The insights were about my primary core issue, which come from my parents neglect and them never making me feel safe or loved...which led to insights E, F, G....which led to a mega-insight, a huge realization about myself--the source behind anything and everything in how I have been (mostly unconciously) treating myself and relating to others all these years.
Hi, southernsky,
Lucky you! Or lucky isnt the right word because you are obviously very motivated to take a deep look inside yourself and I know how hurtful it is, and that it doesnt happen in vacuum. You are very brave!
> The realization was so ugly, the emotions so painful....that after this discovery and after feeling agonizing emotional pain for 2 hours, I suddenly stopped feeling it and developed sexual compulsions (not for T) and called an old boyfriend to satisfy my urges. I didn't see him in person, but our correspondence lasted for 6 hours. He seemed thrilled, but I feel awful now.
Yeah, those painful feelings are awful. But fortunately, they are a necessarily part of the process and allow us to making progress. And damn guilt! Maybe if you can convince yourself that you were protecting yourself from these awful feelings (in a normal way) it will reduce your guilt.I think its normal to have thoose compulsive sexual feelings. I have also felt this on and off during my own process. So now, there are at least two of us. On a more serious note, I have heard and read about others having the same experience too. I think its pretty common to use sex as a defence: It takes focus from all that happens inside us. And it happens a lot when the therapy process start. Right, now, Im in the end of the infant/toddler phase and all thoughts about sex are gone with the wind. Im asocial, asexuala everything. Feels like my whole life is on hold and all there is is my basic needs. So you will get over it...
>
> I don't ever remember using sex as a defense against anything, and this was so strange and disturbing, that even though I am afraid to post on this forum, I have to ask someone what this means. I don't see T until next week and feel so disturbed by this, I'd really appreciate anyone's advice, if anyone knows what this means, or if something similar ever happened to you before. I mean why would I use sex to block out painful emotions? It was so sudden and odd.
>If it was the very first time you entered such deep feelings, of course it scares you. Of course you wanted to protect yourself by blocking those painful feelings. And why not use sex? It does also give some kind of release from all that body tense.
Sometimes, when we defend ourselves, the only thing we can do is just to observe us doing so, instead of judging our behaviour or trying to stop it. It rarely works anyway. We stop when we can, when we are able to do so. I dont think you have to be afraid of developing some kind of compulsive behaviour because of this, but it surely can be helpful to keep an eye on it. I hope your T can give you a more satisfying answer because I dont know exactly why this is happening. But I can tell you; you are not alone in this.
>
Big hug to you!
Lingonberry
Bunches of thanks :)
poster:lingonberry
thread:929034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929069.html