Posted by southernsky on December 12, 2009, at 18:16:07
In reply to trust and therapeautic alliance, posted by deerock on December 12, 2009, at 9:28:57
Because my T is honest with me, even with stuff that 'I don't want to hear', it makes all the difference in the world for me...it is an indication he is accepting me for who I am, rather that who he thinks I should be or who he woudl want me to be-because he wants me to be nobody but me....flaws and all.
From what I have read and especially from some Ts I have experienced, not all Ts are that honest, by far.It seems she is so genuine and honest with you......that says 100% trust to me.
After all she can't really control her ability to actually feel fear....can anyone really control whether or not to feel that emotion? How would she have known what the fantasy was going to be?From the outside, it seems she truly wants to help you be your best....even if it might be uncomfortable for her in doing so.
If you tend to push people away from you out of fear of __________ (fill in the blank-many of us do this), then perhaps revealing the fantasy was an unconscious attempt on your part to push her away from you.If you've put up defenses all these years in terms of relationships-its tough to let go, to change. It could be your pattern in how you relate to others, which could give you a lot of insights if you work this out with her....
also not trusting her because she felt fear, basing a decision on whether to stay or go, could be a defense to avoid becoming (emotionally) intimate with her, rather than what it seems on the surface.
Could be, in actuality, that you are scared because she still accepted you for your true self-despite having been that scared. For anyone hiding their true self for years, whatever your age may be, if that is the case, it would be very scary for someone to accept you as you are if you have not exposed your true self to anyone since childhood....Plus we can still love others and be scared at the same time-mother/son, for example. We can still love others when we are angry with them-it happens all the time.
I can see your reasoning, but imo have no doubts you should definitely continue with this T and you'd be making a huge mistake to quit now. You might not like this idea, but I also think you should thank her for sticking with you.
poster:southernsky
thread:928968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929031.html