Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2009, at 8:07:13
In reply to cutting contact with parent, posted by blahblahblah on October 8, 2009, at 5:32:20
Well, I don't know the particulars of course. But to some extent it's an issue that has come up in my therapy.
I do believe there are abuses parents can commit that effectively tear up their parent cards, as Dr. Laura would say.
However, we seem to be hardwired to care about our parents. And it is hard to not feel some sort of obligation towards someone who is responsible for our existence.
Is there a middle ground? If being around your mother is toxic for you, and you feel it would be better for you to not be in contact with her for a while, in my mind that's a perfectly legitimate request to make. People have been finding peace and solace away from their parents since time began. And you know the old saying about the oxygen mask. Truly you can't effectively help anyone until you are safe and stable yourself.
If you are worried about your mother in the meantime, are there other ways to care for her? The subject has come up with my therapist about my mother, and he advises contacting proper authorities, or seeing if other family members can look in on her occasionally, or somehow find alternate ways of fulfilling any obligation I feel towards her in a way that is not harmful to me. I really haven't found myself able to do this, but I have seriously considered it at times, and there may come a time when I have to.
poster:Dinah
thread:920167
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/920250.html