Posted by Daisym on October 9, 2009, at 2:27:58
In reply to Re: Would your T answer this question? » antigua3, posted by Dinah on October 8, 2009, at 4:55:17
I think this is one of those "be careful what you ask for" kinds of issues. My guess is the way most therapists would answer this is, "what do you think I would say to a collegue, or why do you want to know, especially right now? What is driving this question?" Because sometimes what we really want to know is, "do you like me?" and other times it is, "do you still think you can help me?" and even more often it is, "do you secretly sigh after I leave or worse, think I'm making mountains out of molehills?"
I think it is super important to really, really be clear about why you are asking and what you want to know.
I know in my own work, I might write in my case notes something like, "X is a sweet little boy who presents with extreme mood swings. He is easily given to outbursts and tantrums when he doesn't immediately get what he wants. His mother seems limited in her ability to set limits or redirect. Mother is often harsh or jokes cruelly with her son."
Now - I would never use these words with the family - especially describing the mother as cruel. It wouldn't further our work together and it would hurt her feelings - which would never be my intent. It isn't that I'm not truthful, it is just that when I talk with a parent, I'm careful about how I choose to frame whatever it is I'm trying to say. I want them to be able to take in the information and make changes, not just hear some clinical description of themselves. Because really, short of insurance billing, what is the point?
I think this could be a really dangerous conversation. If you really force this, you might hear a really cold, formal description of your pathology that reduces you to "just" your diagnosis or patient #4 on Tuesday. The relationship you've worked so hard to build could suffer.
This is one of those therapy realities - the understanding and empathy and warmth that comes from our therapists in the moment, is typically not present when they are doing case presentations to other clinicians.
Clearly from what I've written here I have strong feelings about this, which I didn't really realize. But I think it would hurt terribly to find out that my therapist has been "pretending" all along. While I don't think that is true, I see no reason, for myself, to dig into that hole.
Good luck with this. I hope you figure out what you need and he gives it to you.
poster:Daisym
thread:920064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/920240.html