Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 7:41:03
In reply to attachment to parents, posted by deerock on October 4, 2009, at 19:49:26
I think it's possible to do this without physically moving away. The umbilical cord was pretty tight when I first got married. And truth be told, I stayed close to my family until my father died.
But I did learn ways to improve the boundaries between us, in therapy. And my focus shifted over time. I started looking towards other things, not at them.
I can't say it was any one thing. It was a lot of little things. Like learning that I could tell my parents that if they continued some behavior, I'd have to hang up or leave or whatever. And then doing it. And learning that my father at least wanted to be with me enough that he would refrain from doing those things. I learned to see my parents' view of the world (including me) as my parents' view of the world, and not Truth.
I often thought it would be easier if I moved. And it probably would have been. I'm a very context dependent person. It might help you turn your focus and create those boundaries. I guess it would depend on what you would lose. Your friends, your support system, your therapist, etc.
Of course, wherever you go, there you are. Some things you can leave behind but some things will go with you, and will still need work in therapy.
poster:Dinah
thread:919724
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/919923.html