Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2009, at 17:56:56
In reply to how to say sorry to t, posted by psychmom on September 10, 2009, at 13:17:34
Well, ordinarily, I think an apology has three parts. Taking responsibility (For example, It seems that I often find myself in a rocky place with you, and maybe don't express how much you've helped me.) Expressing regret (like, I know you're my therapist, and this is about me, not you. But I would very much regret causing you pain.). And making amends.
And that's where the problems lie. Because this *is* your therapy, and it *is* about you. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to worry about what you say to your therapist. You can't really promise never to do it again. The boundary in therapy is supposed to protect your therapist and you.
But I'm of the general opinion that apologizing is a good thing for the soul. I've certainly apologized on more than one occasion. Sometimes they were grovelling apologies more about my shame than his feelings. Sometimes they were apologies because I thought I'd gone over the line and possibly hurt him. Sometimes they were apologies that were based in thoughtful reflection on the entire tenor of our relationship, and the contribution I made to that.
An apology can be part of an overall thoughtful discussion about where your relationship is, where you'd like it to be, etc.
poster:Dinah
thread:916352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/916388.html