Posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 21:58:19
In reply to Re: my therapist ruined my session, posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2009, at 21:23:15
Hi Seldom--
After I called, she left me three messages trying to connect. But I've had a couple drinks and a Xanax by now, and I don't want to talk if I'm incoherent. I suppose I also wanted to listen to the messages to see if I could glean anything from that. So she is trying, but...I can't get that comment out of my head, and I suppose I won't anytime soon.My heart says this: oh, she didn't mean what I thought she meant--she can't, not after all the things she said about how much she cares, how much she wants to do this. But then, I'm famous for believing what I want to believe--especially about her--not facing reality. And possibly the meanings of what she said have not really sunk in yet.
My brain: Raisin, you're beating your head against a brick wall. You've always known she doesn't really care that much--why don't you value yourself a little higher than to stay in a relationship so unequal and rejecting. Isn't there a better therapy out there? Why am I selling myself so short? Is this a method of self-hatred or self-punishment, to try and get caring from someone who can't or won't give it? Is all my progress gearing me to the point where I can go find something better? Why don't I have the courage and the self-worth to take that step?
So there's the struggle.
poster:raisinb
thread:889045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889100.html