Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2009, at 19:11:07
In reply to it's a bit puzzling... » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on February 24, 2009, at 18:30:24
More specifically...
> For quite a few months, I have been having the same reaction that Happy did. When I compare my own experiences in therapy, it always appears to me that you have a lot more control in your therapy than I have ever had in mine.
I'm sure that is true. My therapist says it's my therapy and my responsibility, and wishes me to have as much control as possible. It's his way to step adroitly aside when I push, and allow me to stumble forward, as I always say. Or more specifically to allow me, in absence of opposition, to acknowledge myself what he didn't say.
> For example, if I called to leave an ambivalent message ("don't call me back, but..."),
Well, it would only be ambivalent if I weren't open about it. Since I discussed my reasons for doing it, my fears, and the fact that I was aware that I was playing games with him that I did not want to play, I don't see it as ambivalent in any way. Fully examined in fact. He considered the matter and decided that it was likely best for me to continue to do that. That was his choice. Had he wished me to stop, I would have.
> or if I asked for a certain statement at the end of the hour ("it will be O.K."),
We had many negotiations on that and discussed it in great detail. He was very particular in what he would agree to say or mean by "It will be o.k." He only means that *we* will be ok, and that whatever happens, we'll work on it together.
> or said that certain topics were off-limits, such as sexual feelings or anger between the two of you, my therapist would not do any of the things I asked for.
Nothing is ever off limits between us. Even if it is brought up as "i would never say...." it is in fact being said. It is just being said with humor and respect. He is quite open about anger between us. And in my old age, so am I. There are no sexual feelings between us, but we have in fact discussed the matter. He says he has never ever been aroused in my presence and can't imagine that he ever would be. And he is aware that I often experience physical arousal when I am anxious, and that includes in therapy. I've told him of the dream where his wife told me he was a eunuch, and the dream where I held his limp penis in my mouth, in a gesture of absolute love. (Which was incidentally about my feelings that he was impotent at the time, not about sex at all). That seems pretty explicit to me. I'm not sure where anyone would get the idea that anything was off limits. Even termination has been discussed completely, given the realities of our situation over time. I can't imagine more raw honesty than has been between us.
If I don't want to talk about something, my therapist easily says that it's entirely up to me and it's ok for me to talk about or not talk about whatever I wish. At which time I am impatient at his willingness to avoid the topic and discuss it thoroughly.
I have changed. And I have changed because of therapy and because of him. Like a river and the rock. He's not likely to take a hammer and chisel and shape me as he wishes. But over time the interaction of water on stone shapes the stone.
poster:Dinah
thread:881864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/882234.html