Posted by rskontos on February 12, 2009, at 16:25:45
along with and I am too sensitive. At least to me. i have been having troubles with a co-worker. I started this job on Jan 5. I have been having trouble dissociating like crazy. And too many of my fragments (my more favored word) come to light and cause my behavior to be unlike I would like it but I thought I had it under control but maybe not. I am too sensitive I do know that and this one co-worker doesn't like me. Went to the supervisor. Etc etc. Says she doesn't not like me but our personalities sometime clash. What the heck. We have known each one month how much time is that. We work together for 2.5 hours. How much time is that to clash. I think she is hormonal, her works not mine and that is all. I am not sure what the problem is but it has set me off in a big way. I am either ok or I am crying. WTF am I to do with this. My t who is my p-doc said to go ahead and take .25 of xanax before work and see if that keeps my fragmented selves under control and less sensitive.
I now will feel like a druggie taking xanax before work. I tried to turn in my notice today but my boss said to take the long weekend (we have monday off) to think it over. She says she doesn't want to lose me. (should make me feel better but of course I can't internalize good stuff just bad stuff)
I feel like I don't belong in public. I told my t all this and he tried like heck to make me feel better and I told him it was all his fault for making me all feely in therapy versus being more dissociative or letting one of my angry fragments out to just go batty on the co-worker. But no, in all seriousness before therapy I would have been more able to be more flat and not care at all about what someone thinks about me. But now, it hurts my feelings which seem to be on top of my head versus my shoulders. I am either crying or ok. No in between.
What the heck is this all about. I registered for school. I start in the summer and my t is glad. He said that is where you belong not this job.
I feel like a mess. And a mess that should be restricted to house arrest.
sorry to be downer right now. But I have been trying to get it together alone but I guess that isn't working. I am such a mess I did not even think I could come here and tell you guys what I was going through. I did not think I deserved to do that. See what I mean about only internalizing bad stuff.
Can't figure why I dissociative so much at work. At least half the time there I feel floaty, or gone, or I fade in and out at least 5-6 times. So much that I usually have a headache when I leave.
Man this is not going well. And to top it off, t and I can't figure out why.
Thanks for listening. If you made it this far you are patient.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:879687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879687.html