Posted by Nadezda on January 31, 2009, at 17:06:16
In reply to Questions about your T, posted by Looney Tunes on January 31, 2009, at 13:22:15
Could it be that you worry a lot, and in a way that gets in your way, about whether the way you feel is acceptable, normal, the way other people feel, and so forth Sometimes we feel that we're being weird or having reactions we shouldn't or feeling things we shouldnt-- but there's no right way to feel, no one way to feel, and no simple range of acceptable reactions. It would be much more helpful to you if you focused on how you feel, and how you're reacting, without worrying about how anyone else would or might.
There's nothing wrong with having a parental transference to your T, even if he's younger than you. Someone's age or gender doesn't really limit the fantasies we have about them. And the problem with trying to hide or suppress your feelings is that often makes them more intense and more disturbing. For one things, feelings often have an arc-- they're intense for a while, and then they fade, unless you keep them going with secondary thoughts and feelings-- judgments, reproaches to yourself, resistance to feeling that way, etc.
While expressing or even accepting a feeling doesn't make the feeling comfortable, or easy to deal with, - it does help to work it through over time, and also to learn to cope with it, even if it is intense.
Of course you can't force yourself to talk about it-- or even to accept it privately-- but maybe you can work on it. Or to look at your T. Nor do you "have to"-- it just might help. If you're avoiding looking at him, or afraid to look at him, maybe you could talk about why. Do you? He seems to notice that it's a problem, so have you and he tried to understand why you're afraid to?
You seem to have made a lot of progress since you started posting, so you mostly have to keep on going, and to know that whatever you're feeling is okay. It's what you do with feelings --how you act-- that might be more of a problem-- and how much you don't want to feel things you feel. Over time, you'll feel more able to accept things, and see that your T accepts and understands. It's just time, and sticking with it.
Not that you shouldn't ask for reassurance. But maybe the best reassurance you can get is less about what I or anyone else feels-- The feeling of being weird and abnormal and unable to handle things, or of having feelings that we shouldn't-- all are pretty universal feelings-- and there's no magic for getting rid of that discomfort. It's mostly a matter of taking a deep breath, and living with it, and not letting it stop you from moving forward.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:877372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/877413.html