Posted by Suedehead on January 26, 2009, at 19:25:08
Have you ever canceled a session with your T for some reason unrelated to finances, illness, family/work/school obligations, etc.? Specifically, I guess that I'm wondering about times you've canceled out of anger, or to 'prove a point' of some kind. What were you hoping to accomplish, and how did things in fact play out with your T subsequently?
I'm thinking of canceling my Thursday session--just sending him an email sometime on Wednesday saying, "I won't be able to make it tomorrow. See you Monday." I was so mad at him after our session this morning that for most of the day, I was positively resolved to do this, but now, of course, I'm faltering. It does seem rude, and it's probably not totally warranted. Basically, I told him something that made me feel really vulnerable, and he didn't respond as I would have liked him to. He acknowledged that it was a difficult thing for me to say, and he validated my feelings, but I needed something more from him, something personal, I guess. My sense is that canceling our next session would show him how hurt I am--but since I could accomplish this just as well (or better) by telling him directly, I suspect that part of my urge to cancel springs from a desire to 'get back' at him through refusing to cooperate.
So, yeah, just wondering about others' experiences with this kind of thing, basically. I always feel a little guilty when I post here, since I tend to disappear for weeks and weeks at a time, offering no real support to others, only to reappear when something weird/troubling happens in my therapy. The truth is that I read this forum every day and am always rooting for everyone here, even though I'm not vocal about it.
Oh, and to add to the horribleness of today's session, I dropped a book as I was leaving, and it made me feel really inordinately embarrassed. I mean, dropping something shouldn't be a big deal, and normally I wouldn't think much of it, but today, it just killed me.
poster:Suedehead
thread:876416
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/876416.html