Posted by workinprogress on January 3, 2009, at 3:04:24
In reply to Can't Sleep, Hurting, posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 2:27:09
Litttle soul-I'm so sorry you're hurting so bad. I totally understand. I think often the idea of distance makes things feel unsafe. And thinking you have access (her saying call again if you need to) and then not making contact is frustrating, disappointing, and- if you're not terribly secure in the relationship- scary. You worry you aren't important enough, you don't deserve it, or that it just isn't safe. AND- I imagine this trip is extra triggering- t's going away is hard and scary under normal circumstances, but going away with this new person that feels threatening to your relationship (feels, not necessarily is) is about as bad as it can get. So, it seems natural you would feel scared and would need extra reassurance. That's not needy. As my t would say, that's just having needs- everyone has needs. Maybe reassurance isn't what you need, only you can know. What do you feel? - fear? Longing? Sadness? What do you need? Try to think about those things and remember that feelings and needs based on them are normal and ok.
And try hard to give yourself some breathing room. You're going through a really hard space- it takes a lot of courage.
(((((((little soul)))))))
> Okay, so I wanted to really respond to your post DAisym and to yours Dinah. But I'm in a real bad way right now and need someone to talk with me - I can't sleep or stop crying.
>
> I had therapy today and my T kinda sprang it on me that she is going away for a long weekend. She is going to Cananda and her cell doesn't work there so she can't receive any calls and of course she is going with her boyfriend and probably doesn't want to be bothered anyway (which is a reasonable request in most circumstances).
>
> Usually she has a chance to give me some notice about her trips and I have a chance to work it through with her, you know like make plans for myself duting her absence, and who else to call during this time. Also she is very good about reassuring me that she will return (a lot of my therapy recently is dealing with abandonment issues).
>
> Anyway, she said I could call tonight if I needed to talk to her about anything. So I called her early in the evening and we spoke briefly. That was okay but I was still pretty upset. She said I could call back latter on if I still needed to talk more. So I did and it sounded like her phone was turned off. I tried a couple of other times after that getting more and more anxious because I couldn't get a hold of her. I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I'm feeling very upset and started putting myself down, saying "why would she want to talk to me anyway, I'm such a needy client", and other abusive things to myself. I called my three emergency numbers and I got three voicemails. I could really use some help, anyone? - I don't know what even to ask for - I just know I'm huring and don't know where to turn. Sorry for the downer post. I know I'm a newbie and probabhly should be doing more giving than taking but I'm really struggling. Any thoughts, kind words, or perspectives on hopefulness?
>
> LS
poster:workinprogress
thread:872051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872058.html