Posted by Wittgensteinz on December 19, 2008, at 8:54:45
In reply to Re: Is therapy just blowing smoke up our a*s?, posted by Cecilia on December 18, 2008, at 20:47:20
Ok, I've had a bit more time to think - earlier I was rushing off to catch a train so I replied in a hurry.
I'm not sure if I 'hated' someone I would be able to have the type of intense relationship required of long-term therapy with them even if it was 'for the money' (and honestly, I struggle to find anyone who I really truly do hate - even my abusive mother !!). I don't know what kind of therapy you had with this "therapist" but as it went on so long, it must have been intense and intimate on some levels at least. If this person was just out to make money, there are many more lucrative professions to take advantage of people (and perhaps she found one and that's why she changed jobs).
I think if a therapist found himself 'hating' his patient or dreading the sessions he'd need to have a very good look at himself and decide what it was about the patient that produced such a reaction in him - of course all therapists experience negative-countertransference from time to time. He would likely need supervision to work through this. Did she confront you on what exactly it was that made her dread the sessions she had with you? Did she do anything to try and change that reality? I can't imagine how devastating it was to hear something like that after seeing a person for 7 years. I also wonder whether it was a unique problem she had with you or just a disillusionment with therapy per se - that she felt this way to all her patients.
In my opinion this person was practicing unethically. A therapist doesn't have to like his patients - he might even find his patients tiring and difficult - but he does have to hold them in unconditional acceptance. One doesn't have to like someone or be friends with them to care about them and want what's best for them. Of course it's nice if the therapist feels warm towards his patient and I imagine in many long-term therapeutic relationships there is a warmth and on some levels a 'friendship' within the confines of the therapy.
I'm guessing you haven't returned to therapy since this negative experience, and I can understand why, but what you went through I would hope is something far from the norm.
I still don't think I am mistaken about my own therapist and his integrity. I don't trust people easily, you'll know that if you've come across some of my previous posts, but he has done enough to show me irrevocably that he is honest and genuine with me (and even with this, I still have times where I doubt, and that puts a strain on things - not long again I had a very difficult time with this) - the fact is, he knew he had to 'prove' to me his integrity in order for me to speak freely.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:869336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/869596.html