Posted by DAisym on December 4, 2008, at 11:44:48
In reply to Re: One little sentence - long » DAisym, posted by All Done on December 3, 2008, at 0:31:28
Something Annierose said resonated with me..."But that doesn't mean he wouldn't want to rescue you - he wishes he could have saved you from your father." I'm wondering if you feel like I do because sometimes, when I share with my T wishes that involve him, it's not so much about my actual wishes as it is about his response to them. I want him to want the same thing as me. It validates my wish and it makes me feel cared for and loved. Unfortunately, it seems like he very rarely responds in kind when I tell him I wish I could have or could have had something from him. I'm sure there's a reason, but the lack of response (or tweaking his response to sound similar to what I want but not actually involving his personal thoughts) stings, and I can become pretty insecure with what I'm sharing with him. I think it's part of why I always ask him if it's okay to want something. Not only do I want him to confirm that it's okay, I want him to tell me it's what he would want, too.
I think you've nailed it here. I wanted him to join me in the fantasy of him taking me home and keeping me safe. Oddly, it didn't mean that I wanted him to be my new dad - and it wasn't a sexual wish. I think it was about proximity - him being near - and my imagination that he could have protected me from anything. Of course, he went right to protection being the authorities, etc. And he also made it all about my dad at first. It took him a little while to get that it was all of it, my mom, the environment, the world...
Sometimes I want to just start yelling, "no reality checks, no more questions." But I also think this is a male/female thing. He rarely gets caught in it, but he admits to a need to fix or act, especially when I'm in a really painful place. So it would be natural for his thoughts to go to, "how would I fix this situation for her?" on a practical level. And I'm sure that he was thinking that he was saying all the ways that he would have taken care of me.
Mostly, I think wishes are so scary that I don't verbalize them as clearly or as loudly as I should so I leave him guessing at what the actual wish is.
Thanks for writing. I've missed you.
poster:DAisym
thread:866338
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/866657.html