Posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 14:24:29
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by no_rose_garden on November 28, 2008, at 11:57:04
I will talk to her. I have talked myself down somewhat since this morning. Anyway, I wouldn't quit therapy by just not showing up one day. I just think that's kind of lame.
Therapy is helpful to me, and my therapist is really great. She is very conscientious and seems to always want to make me talk about things, especially stuff like this. She doesn't try to shield herself from any of my feelings, positive or negative.
So a big reason why this freaked me out so much is that I am used to her being ultra-conscientious about everything - on time, giving me TONS of notice about any little change, even when we had to use a different office down the hall because hers was under construction. Also, the last time I saw her was my last appointment of the month (although I didn't realize it at the time), and she didn't give me my bill. She never fails to give me my bill on time.
It's not just that I felt like she stood me up - I mean, I COULD have looked at the schedule she had posted, but I didn't think I had to because I thought I knew what all the dates were and I'm used to her reminding me a couple of times. I was more upset because I started worrying about WHY she hadn't shown up - like, what if it wasn't a scheduling miscommunication, but something REALLY BAD. I always go from zero to Worst Case Scenario. And then I started really freaking, and I just wanted to hear from her so I would know that she was ok. I hate feeling that abandonment panic. It is such a helpless feeling. It's torture. Every minute feels like forever. Plus, it's that "waiting by the phone" feeling that is so humiliating.
Therapy is a really risky undertaking. The irony is that, you wouldn't be there if you didn't have some blind spot, so you have to at least alllow for the possibility that your therapist might be right about something that you are wrong about. But you can never be 100% trusting, because they are only human. Sometimes it feels like I'm not getting any stronger. I'm just addicted to my therapist now instead of some other person IRL or drugs or alchohol. That makes me mad.
poster:cobalt
thread:865479
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865620.html