Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 7:40:44
I am sorry, but I know I have used up my share of Babble forgiveness. You all know me as the happy flower who could always laugh off the pain.
I can't no longer, I feel the rejection as raw pain, please don't tell me to go elsewhere to air my stuff. That cuts like a knife through my soul.
It is so hard to come back here, I don't feel like this is my sanctuary anymore, in fact no where seems safe anymore. It reminds me of my mom who used to tell me nobody will listen to me because I am nothing but a pile of sh*t. I feel like the little child that has no safe place to go other than to hide in the woods.
In fact I can no longer take my anger out on others for feeling unwanted here, I now take the anger out on myself. The pain sears through my body and I want to hurt it for it let me down. I can't pretend to be the happy flower no more. I can't take hurt anymore. I think that may be the end of me being here, because I can't take a chance of being hurt. I am gun shy, and it is hard to want to hear from those who care, but it is taking a chance of hearing things that can hurt me to the core.
I feel defenseless here, I am sad, I have been here a long time. I know I have hurt others, and I am truly sorry for that. I really am.
poster:SlugSlimersSoSlided
thread:865155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865155.html