Posted by JayMac on November 15, 2008, at 16:02:55
In reply to Re: Turning Point with Your T? » JayMac, posted by Dinah on November 15, 2008, at 11:17:50
> He blurted out that he had a problem with dependent women! Then looked absolutely horrified and said no more. But from then on a lot of the struggles I had with him at the time ended. He had recognized his countertransference and attended to it. It really was a whole lot him. I was reacting to something that actually was there. Looking back it's one of my favorite therapy moments. But I'm not sure why.Hmmm.......I think it's very relevant that you were able to distinguish between his own stuff and yours. That is definitley a moment worth remembering.
> One day I told him to look at me! I wasn't that person anymore! Something had changed in me and I needed him to see the person in front of him *now*, not the person I was then. Again, he thought about what I said and realized that I hadn't acted that way since year five, and that he wasn't reacting to the person in front of him. Again, as soon as he realized this he changed completely.
It's great that you confronted him with reguard to his perception of you. That's a noteworthy turning point.
> At year ten, I finally trusted the trust. We got down to the deeper levels of therapy that some lucky people might manage from the very beginning. But my first five years was spent learning to trust, and my second five years was spent learning to trust the trust, and that was its own sort of deep therapy I guess. Just not the dig deep inside and gain insight about the ugly stuff sort.
The "learning to trust" phrase is very difficult, and I think it does come in cycles. Gradually, they will come less frequently with more positive experiences with one's T.
> Then Katrina hit, and it wasn't so much a turning point as... well, a hurricane.
I would think ANY catastrophe would throw any relationship for a loop.
> I think the latest turning point was when he really started to realize that I meant something to him on a personal level. And I started to believe on a really deep level that he cared about me. Before I'd trusted the relationship, I'd trusted him, but I never trusted that he cared about me as X the therapist rather than Therapist X. I think I was right. He may say that he always cared about me. But the difference in "how" is striking.
That's REALLY special. That makes me smile.
> I sorta have a glimmer of where the next turning point might be. But I suppose there's no point in looking down the road. The nice thing about turning points is that they're totally unexpected. They arise naturally, sometimes prodded by a single moment and a single realization. And sometimes they're more gradual, but still arise naturally.
Isn't that the truth! I would have never guessed about my turning points with my T or life.
poster:JayMac
thread:863082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863239.html