Posted by JayMac on October 31, 2008, at 19:14:44
So.....my T and I share a similar passion. We both love to read. In addition to that, I love reading about theory and psychology type stuff (not to be confused with pop psychology Dr. Phil-type books). She is very well educated and experienced in her own theoretical framework, and I have a huge interest in it as well. So.....sometimes we intellectualize things and she'll use a technical term or I'll use one. Then we'll realize that we shouldn't use such jargon and that I need to express myself emotionally instead of simply intellectually and that she needs to avoid using those terms as well. (By the way, I have a HUGE tendency to just explain my life as if it were someone else's story instead of my own. I kinda depersonalize it. I also tend to intellectualize everything. With the help of my T, I don't do it as much and I actually let myself FEEL my emotions and I know that's HUGE progress).
Nevertheless, I feel like since we do share this sort of interest and it helps me feel more connected to her, I find myself wanting to ask her a million questions about a topic that I know she literally teaches. For example, last week I asked her about a certain term (because it was on one of my midterms) and she gave me her own explanation of it. And this totally gets my attention: I find myself wanting to hear more and more of her thoughts.
I feel like since she's such an expert in her field, that I want to literaly ask her a hundred questions about it and its application in a clinical setting, etc. I feel like some of this relates to my need to feel attached, but I'm not sure how much of it is too much. When does it (asking about theory and such) cross a boundary? Or is this even crossing a boundary? She tells me little things about herself all the time. She is psychdynamically oriented, but she does disclose and does it with meaningful and loving intent.
I don't know how much sense this makes to any of you. But I feel like her knowledge and my interest of psychology could be teetering on a dual relationship because of the professor/student relationship that can occur.
I don't know. Maybe I'm making something out of nothing, but this topic just got me thinking. She knows that I'm an avid reader (outside of grad school text) and she'll suggest an article or a book on a topic we're discussing. On one hand, I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE that we have this in common, but I also don't want either one of us to cross any boundaries. I love my T, she's one of the greatest things since sliced bread. I just don't want to compromise or jeopardize any aspect of our relationship. I'm afraid that I will gain her intellect but lose the special connection between us and I would HATE for that to occur.
I hope this makes sense. It makes sense to me, but I can understand that this could be very abstract, especially since it's not a clear-cut example of a dual relationship. Of maybe it's not a dual relationship. I don't know.....I'm confused, but, at the same time, I'm not.
Maybe the topic is not relevant, maybe we might as well be talking about gardening and how she loves roses and I just so happen to love roses as well. And I ask her how often she waters her. As a result, we converse about the best way to nurture our flowers. Maybe it's more the friendship aspect that I desire. I'm more confused about this than I have ever been.
Anyhow I just thought I would get your feedback. Thoughts? Feelings?
Let me know if I need to clarify anything.
As always, thanks for your support =)
JayMac
poster:JayMac
thread:860125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860125.html