Posted by Amanda29 on October 15, 2008, at 17:05:32
I have been really sick for about a month and during that time, my depression has hit me really hard. I have not been able to eat anything but applesauce and rice for a month, and whereas I used to eat chicken fingers, and fries, and all of the fast food places I could find...(I eat for comfort)...but I couldnt do that..and still cannot do that, and so I have become depressed. I am being forced to eat healthy which is great, but I am having a hard time.
My family and coworkers dont understand that I am sick both mentally and physically and they think it is all in my head..and the only person I can really complain to is my T.
I believe that every person needs human touch..and I am not talking about sexual, although I believe that too..I am just talking about hugs, handshakes etc...but I realized I have not had a hug in FOREVER...from anyone..and I love hugs..(I know this is a cheesy post..but please bare with me..because it is a very touchy subject for me).
I emailed my T and told him I needed to be hugged and that I wanted to hug him but that I would never ask him for that becuse he is my psychologist and not my friend, or brother or parent...and it would be wrong of me to ask. I told him I wanted to hug him because he seems to have it "altogether" and I just want to feel the same even if it is for a second...(I know this sounds stupid). Anyway, he emailed me back and told me that after all I have been through this past month that I do deserve a hug and that it is a reasonable request for me to ask for one.
So, I guess this means he will be giving me a hug tomorrow. Granted I trust him with my life...I trust him so much that I know he would never do anything more than just hug me.
He hugged me one other time when I was reading him something out of my journal...it was something like "all I want is someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be OK and that I am going to make it"..so he said "Amanda, Stand up and I am going to hug you, and I want you to know that everything is going to be ok, and that you can get through this because you are a strong person"..something like that..I NEVER GET HUGS, he is the only one that ever hugs me!!! That is not normal. EVERY HUMAN NEEDS HUGS. I don't have friends...NO FRIENDS..and that is something I am working on getting out and finding new friends, but I have been so sick..everything got put on the backburner..and this is the first day I have been well...
I know it isn't an everyday thing for a T to give out hugs...:) but I dont know what else to do...I have basically given up on everyone around me..for the time being...and it isnt like I am going to ask him to hug me every week...
I told him if and when he hugs me I am probably going to fall apart. It has seriously been about a year since someone has hugged me. And I have never been in a physical relationship ...( I have no friends..and no one of the opposite sex has ever been interested in me...(another reason why i am in therapy)..and therefore have never been sexually active...so I have missed out on sexual touch as well...
I am craving for attention and love and I just don't know what to do.
I know this is a cheesy post and I thank you for reading it...whoever does...
My mother thinks I am only thinking of myself and that I need to snap out of my depression.. I AM SORRY but anyone with depression knows that that just CANNOT HAPPEN. Anyway, don't get me started. :)
amanda
poster:Amanda29
thread:857610
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857610.html