Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
I am going through a tough time right now. My fibromyalgia symptoms have been getting steadily worse the past month or two, despite my efforts at exercise and all the other treatments that have worked for me in the past, and I feel increasingly impaired physically and mentally. Now I am starting to feel depressed as well, and whether this is caused by the FM or just another symptom is pretty arbitrary and probably irrelevant. I am already on A/D meds, which helps buffer moodswings, but despite them I spend more time every day with depressed thoughts. For various reasons, my family is not able to help much with this right now. It would burden the kids right now, who, although they are loving and supportive, tend to worry about me and are making headway recently on their own issues so I dont want to add another, adult one. My DH and I have hit a bit of a rough patch, which hasnt helped. I think he would like to help but just can't right now. Friends currently have their own problems, economic and healthwise. I am usually more depression-resistant but the FM is driving this more and my usual support system isn't in place. Bad timing. I know Ill get through this sooner or later but of course depression always seems to make things look bleaker.
So not surprisingly, my relationship with my T has intensified, at least from my end. He knows that Ive been struggling with FM. I was able to tell him this week that right now I felt that I needed him more now, and wanted to feel more like I did when I was younger in therapy but felt that I was too old for these feelings. He reassured me that he knew I had been working hard for some time to be able to take care of many of my own needs, but that if I cant, I cant, and that he is there for me. I know he will take my phone calls, give me extra sessions as needed, and be caring and supportive. But the problem is that the deep, insatiable need for him has reappeared, along with the old feelings I struggled with so painfully for years, I really just don't want to return there. I know that the more I get from him, the more Im going to want what he cant give. I want him to cuddle me, and hug me, and comfort me, tell me its all right, and take the pain away with his magical, loving touch. I dont want to talk about these feelings in therapy because I know I will feel worse then when I leave the session and leave my Caring Other behind.
Not sure what Im expecting by posting this either, but thanks for listening.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:856911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856911.html