Posted by workinprogress on October 7, 2008, at 1:27:12
Hey there all. I've been lurking for a while here. I actually found this place while I was quite freaked out about the intense feelings I was feeling for my therapist. I felt bad for loving her, I felt bad for thinking of her, I felt bad for needing her. Essentially, I felt that therapy *success* would be finally not feeling those things anymore. Not thinking about her constantly, not counting the days until I would see her again, not needing her so much anymore. Not emailing her and checking obsessively to see if she responded.
I agonized over this for months. We talked about it. She said it was ok. She said eventually I would settle in. Time. Trust takes time she said.
Anyway, I'm writing here to share with all of you... those who have been through it and those that are going through it. I've read a lot about transference here. Love we have for our Ts in some way or another. For me, she's the loving mom I never had...
And now... the other day... now, I finally feel good about loving her. And feeling love from her (always felt good about that). But now, now I feel ok about wanting more, I feel ok about loving her the way I do. I feel all sorts of warmth and I feel lucky to love someone like I do her. It feels *good* to love her instead of painful. It doesn't feel wrong anymore. I finally gave myself a break over it. It's ok to love her... why wouldn't you? Sure, not everyone will understand, but she does. She cares for you... unconditionally, she's there for you, you FEEL love from her. Nothing I ever got growing up. What's wrong for wanting/revelling in it now???
Anyway, I think it's normal to feel weird about it... but for all those that are there... push through. If you have a fabulous T like I do.. it's so worth that pain to *feel* the love they can give you. And to feel good about loving them! Priceless!
poster:workinprogress
thread:856145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856145.html