Posted by lemonaide on September 23, 2008, at 12:32:26
I was in tears before I could say anything. He knew what I was bringing up because I talked to his secretary yesterday about this while trying to make a last min. appointment yesterday, and she told him. ugggh! not going to talk to her again about anything. So he had a big head's up to what I was going to even bring up.
I told him that I was worried about him and I was crying, it was so freakin hard to tell him why because I didn't want to hurt him or worry himself about himself. He said he was worried about why I was so worried about him. I told him about the memory stuff. He told me he of course he doesn't think he has changed, it was more that I was more sensitive and in a sense looking for things because of his illnesses. I told him that could be one theory, but I said it could be another theory is that he doesn't want to believe what I am saying because of the implications of what I was saying and he wants to stay in denial. oh, my did I say this to him? Okay so through many tears of mine we sort of agreed to disagree about my perceptions.
But then he went on to say that he has had diminishing memory for the last 10 years, and that is why he takes notes now when in the past he didn't so much. But now he gets behind a lot with clients and so instead of taking a few minutes to piss and make notes and read notes about the next client, he just doesn't stop. (his words) So to me it is like he is flying by the seat of his pants. He told me he could talk to a client one day and the next day not remember anything they talked about. He said some clients like me are more memorable and he would remember things if he were to see me in public.I told him why he didn't ask me what he forgot about me, didn't he want to know? So I told him the stuff and he didn't have much to say other than telling me he can't remember everything. He then said that maybe he needed to pay more attention to notes and write more because I need that in my therapy. I told him he should do that with everyone, not just me. I asked him if he knew the saying that for every one person that makes a complaint, there are at least 10 others who are too afraid to bring it up. I told him I am sure I am not the only one who has noticed this, and that why he should take time between clients.
It was frusterating today because I felt I got a lot of planned canned responses, and I felt he wasn't taking what I said as very valid. It hurt to tell him this, and I guess I have to respect his view that he is all right and it is just my perception is wrong, that he has always been this way, and I just now noticed, if I want to continue to work with him.
I feel even more confused now and I am in tears even now. I told him I have been waiting for him to come back. He was somewhat defensive because in a way I am questioning his competency to do therapy so I understand. He even put out there that he wonders if I can work with him because I don't have faith in him. That comment really hurt because I truly feel he has changed, it isn't just my awareness because of his illnesses.I just don't know what to do. He was even questioning his more than normal disclosure with me.
He asked me if he looked hurt about me telling him, I said yes, and a little irritated, and he said that is probably projection. I said that I don't believe in projection. He laughed and said as long as it doesn't pertain to me. So he promised me he was going to take time between clients and write more notes.
Well by the time I got to my car, he had already made it out the back door and was getting in his car to leave.
poster:lemonaide
thread:853630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853630.html