Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 17, 2008, at 12:27:03
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by JayJ on September 17, 2008, at 11:57:40
> Hi Sassy,
Hi, ((JayJ))): You seem to be in a _really_ tough situation, I feel so bad for you. I'm sure you've read all the articles out there about how very damaging a sexual relationship with your T can be.
Oh, absolutely, books and articles.Despite that, a part of you clearly is leaning that way.
Yes, for a verrry long time.
This is of course true for many if not most at some point in therapy, the sexual transference issue looms large. It is entirely your Ts responsibility to make sure this does not get acted on, no matter what you do or say or what his counter-transference feelings are. This is his professional role. To cross that line puts you as patient at extreme jeopardy, not to mention threatening his own carreer, and if he means anything he says, his marriage too.
He says he is "happily married"---but I know if that were the case with me....I would not be acting out.
It sounds like his words and deeds are already well over the normal boundaries. yes.
The truth is, you should probably walk away and report him. However, I suspect, given the other ties, that you don't want to hear that, and I do understand. So, it sounds like you should try to dampen his ardour without alienating him. For your future well-being, I think you need to find some face-saving way for him to slow down and turn around. I would suggest you don't say "unless he wants me to touch HIM, to NOT stroke himself again in my presence" this is just opening the door for him to show he means it.
Oh, I know; I wasn't going to say that; but it was kind of an in-your-fac kind of response.
You might imply that you are thinking of getting a friendly second opinion on how you are doing in therapy, from a pdoc or some such, or perhaps a just talking about your therapy to a "therapist friend". That should put some fear and perhaps sense of responsibility into him.
It would surprise him for sure.
The reality is, he should be seeking some counselling for himself, although that may not be easy to suggest.
He should have done that years ago, when he began to sexualize our relationship.
The ironic thing is that even tho i am in love with him, I have not acted on my feelings....even tho he has led me on shamelessly!
>
> It's not a pleasant alternative, but I suppose you could always claim to be HIV positive - that might cool him off a bit. Ha, ha!
>
> Sassy please be careful. You have entrusted him with the core of your existence and he doesn't seem to be taking very good care of it.Thankyou, JayJ; you are very right-on....and kind!
Love, Sassy
>
> Love
>
> JayJ
poster:sassyfrancesca
thread:852422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852463.html