Posted by DAisym on September 14, 2008, at 16:20:09
In reply to now I regret this!, posted by llurpsienoodle on September 14, 2008, at 10:27:32
I think talking about suicidal feelings is very hard and yet very necessary. Especially because your therapist is going to need to ask all the basic questions - which you already know - and yet they are incredibly hard to answer truthfully.
"Do you have a plan? Any intent to act on your plan? Would you call me first? Where would you do it? Have you written notes to anyone?" Ug - The one that always gets a face from me is: "Why haven't didn't you?" We talk a lot about impulses and the desire to kill off the pain or the little pieces that are remembering. Perhaps it isn't all of you that is wishing to end the struggle but instead just a part or few parts.
We keep having the same conversation:
"I'm can't call your voice mail and use the word suicidal."
"Yes, you can. You must."
"No, I can't. It is dramatic and stupid. It feels like crying wolf because I never actually do it."
"Is it possible that you don't because we talk about it and that keeps it from getting out of hand?"
"Maybe...doesn't mean I don't feel stupid about these feelings."
"Better stupid, than dead. I know you are mad at me for wanting you to talk about these feelings, but you must. I can take you being mad at me."And on and on.
I'm sorry you find yourself with these feelings. But I think you will find that being as honest as you can be about how you feel, beyond your survival self, will make you feel a lot closer to your therapist. It might feel a bit worse as you open it up and look at it, but it then will ease off.
Keep you appointment. It sounds so important.
poster:DAisym
thread:851774
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851991.html