Posted by Quintal on September 9, 2008, at 13:27:38
A guy in my class made a pass at me. I don't know why. This has never happened before and I don't know what to do. Let's just say it would be an understatment if I said 'I'm not very good at dating'. If there was ever a time when I've been confronted with the fact that I'm not quite human... I don't know what to do and it's making me feel awful. I doubt it matters too much to him. I just don't see what he could see in me besides me being gay and lonely. I don't feel worthy of real relationships. I feel grotesque. I can't see myself with another person. There isn't a real person in here for him to connect with anyway. I just don't want offend him.
I hate myself more than ever and it's not his fault. T moved my appointments to two weekly last session. She offered to terminate if I wanted. So she must be getting sick of me, and that's no accident. I'm too much for anyone to take on and I might like it not to be so sometimes. She does think I'm capable of change. Obviously it bothers me a great deal, and on the other hand I don't care. I can just not care when affection is offered to me, but I care an awful lot when it's rejection. So I am a very selfish person afterall.
I might have the chance to sit close to him tomrrow because the seat next to me is vacant and I think all of the other ones are taken. He didn't attend last class in the other room so he doesn't know where everybody sits. Maybe he won't even come back? What if he does? If I made an advance I wouldn't want to provoke this kind of reaction. I'm worried that if he loathes himself nearly as much as I do this will ruin his self esteem even further, and I don't want that to happen.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:851179
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851179.html