Posted by Annierose on August 6, 2008, at 8:18:25
One of the thoughts I have about therapy, when I think about it outside my session, is that it doesn't feel real. There is my real life, that is full with an active family + busy job and my therapy life, which is thought provoking, painful, frustrating, loving, time consuming, solitary, sad, etc. etc. I have been telling my t it's like my therapy life is in a box with stories and complicated feelings jammed in a box that come out three times a week only with her.
Originally when we talked about this, she thought that was a healthy place to keep those feelings, a box to be shared with her in the safety of her office.
Yesterday I told her how frustrated I am with myself sharing with her small personal details. She asked for an example and the one that popped into my head was a few weeks ago I mentioned my husband took me to my favorite restaurant when both our children were at summer camp. My therapist asked, "What's your favoirte restaurant?" My insides were screaming, "Do you really care what my favorite restaurant is?" I cringed telling her.
So we talked about why that was hard for me. Quietly I pondered that answer. I told her, "I don't think of you living in the same area, same planet as I do. I don't want to think you know my favorite restaurant. Then there is a possibility that you will like it too. (pause) And I don't want to see you there." Although there is this another side of me that would love to see her in her "real" life. Hence the conflict.
Anyway, it was a wonderful session for me. She said, "If you ran into me at a store, you might gather more information about me and I might gather more information about you. Would our relationship change?" And the answer is "No". She told me, "I am the same person inside this office as I am outside this office." I wasn't sure if that made it better or worse for me to digest. I'd rather imagine her screaming at her kids once in awhile.
We talked about why I found it important to keep her living inside her office (and of course my brain couldn't hold onto those words). But I left feeling closer to her (if that's possible). And maybe I need to open that box outside the office too. There is more "there" to explore and I can't put my finger on it but it was a good road to go down.
poster:Annierose
thread:844526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844526.html