Posted by myrtledog on August 2, 2008, at 18:57:39
In reply to Re: said goodbye to T yesterday - really struggling » myrtledog, posted by LadyBug on August 2, 2008, at 15:37:09
Ladybug, I've been reading your posts about your T and the way it ended. i have really felt for you. And to be told of your T's imminent retirement by letter in that way I found particulary harsh. Everytime you have wondered about whether to see her again to get some closure I have thought, 'yes, yes, you must'. If you don't take this chance you might regret it forever.
About my last hour....Erm, I'm not entirely sure it went how i wanted it to go, but then i wasnt sure how i wanted it to go. I was very tense and that tension got in the way a bit too much. I also got very panicky for weeks/months before hand about remembering everything i wanted to have said. That kind of panic and stress was unhelpful. In retrospect you just have to go with what you are feeling. I spent the hour (and a half) mostly in her arms, alternately laughing and crying, talking about big things and little silly things. One of my parting gifts for her was some hand cream (because her hands are important to me and have held me through so much). One of the nicest things in that hour was giving her a sort of hand massage with the cream. To be able to do that was very precious. Both our hands got covered in the lovely cream and the same scent. i also made a film of her talking, telling me how much she cared. That has helped today.
My advice to you though would be to have a broad framework of what you need to say. But nothing too rigid. Dont go writing list after list after list. Go with what comes up. Be open to your feelings and stay in the moment and you will do what you need to do.
If you have spent 11 years together, you can't leave it, i dont think, without giving the parting its due marking.
poster:myrtledog
thread:843629
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843788.html