Posted by Happyflower on May 20, 2008, at 20:52:15
In reply to Re: I am shaking, in total shock, I feel sick* tri » Happyflower, posted by Dinah on May 20, 2008, at 20:36:01
Thanks Dinah,
Everything you wrote makes sense. What is interesting was that my issue with him would have come up in therapy at some time I am sure. I have a lot of buried feelings when it come to him. He hurt me so bad and made me feel so inadequate .
He also played trumpet, and he would play in the band with us. Well of course he played all the solos and was 1st chair. I could have played that part, but he never would let me. The better I got, the more insecure he got. Finally he kicked me out of band because I told him he didn't know what he was doing. (long story) But the superintendent of the school talked to me, and I was right, and he made him apologize to me. He really hated me after that. So much so, I changed schools my senior year so I could be in band, jazz band, etc. I wanted to be a band director and I needed those classes to get into music school. I also needed a taped solo, which was hard to do because he never let me. My new director did, and he really liked having me in his band. I was lead trumpet and I had lots of solos and stuff.
So many people let me down when I was young, but I would never wish for something like this to happen. I guess I am feeling guilt over the grudge I have had so many years. I haven't let go of that anger yet, the unfairness.What is interesting is with my new T, issues keep presenting themselves over and over from my past, stuff I have no control over. Kinda weird. Kinda like I am in the right place at the right time.
I am going to bed now, I have been on the computer all day.
poster:Happyflower
thread:830138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/830217.html