Posted by seldomseen on April 15, 2008, at 20:30:41
In reply to Seldom, how are you today?, posted by Happyflower on April 15, 2008, at 19:51:21
Thank you so very much for asking. (My friend HF)
I am well. It's been a topsy-turvy day. My emotions are all over the place. Leaden paralysis one minute, abject panic the next. All contained within a perfectly normal exterior at work.
"Hi! How are you? Great, me too - see you at the seminar" Blah Blah Blah Blah.Then I went and taught my class, more blah blah blah blah.
But right now I feel strong and I'm eating a microwaveable pizza, which is surprisingly good.
Lonely though, incredibly lonely. This feels very isolating to me.
I'm having to contain a lot that is right at the surface, but I think I'm maintaing the coping skills to do it. It's exhausting, but if this all comes out at once. I could be in serious trouble. I mete out a little bit of pain, a little bit of the time and deal with what is getting the most airplay at the time. Last night I cried over being left to die. It's sad. I dread tonight.
I called my T and was very honest. I told him I just wanted to hear his voice. He told me he was here for me anytime. He getting his feet back under him again, in no time he will be in full T mode. He's worried that his gestalt as gotten conflated with my abusers.
Oh if I could just convince him that nothing could further from the truth.
I also thinks he hurts for me. How could he not? I've known him for years. I'll call him again tomorrow.
What does one do the day after one owns one's abuse? I wish there were a manual.
Thanks again for thinking of little me.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:823500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823510.html