Posted by CareBear04 on April 13, 2008, at 20:30:38
In reply to Re: depending on your T (kinda long) » CareBear04, posted by Poet on April 12, 2008, at 15:52:09
hi poet-- i guess part of me is a little afraid that my T will freak out and do something like call 911 on me. i know that my inability to communicate frustrates him (as well as me) and increases the risk of misperception. and there are some times, like those you noted, when maybe such a reaction wouldn't be unwarranted. i think the situation is better when he understands that i'm not shutting him out on purpose, but it took awhile for him to get that, and i think he still needs to remind himself of it.
see, when you say that you've been seeing your T for 5 1/2 years, i have an easier time understanding why your T would want to help you. if nothing else, over that time, she must have invested a lot of effort and become really familiar with your life so that she has a significant stake in your recovery. i can't really see that connection with my T. first, i've only been seeing him for about seven months. more importantly, though, i haven't shown him any part of me that he should reasonably feel is worth his effort to save. i've been depressed pretty much the whole time, so the only basis for him to hope for better is [my reports of] past experiences and the "bubbly" (his words) voicemail message he hears when he calls.
just one more question-- how long did it take you to feel like you had a "real" relationship with your T? to the extent that mine does talk about himself at times, i guess i feel like there is some mutuality involved. but to the extent that i'm paying him to talk to me, i can't help but feel like the "relationship" and any feelings arising out of it are artificial. in that sense, especially since we both know it, i feel pathetic depending on him like it's a sign of being a loser with no real person support system.
anyway, thanks for replying...
cb
poster:CareBear04
thread:822769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823129.html