Posted by rskontos on February 12, 2008, at 7:26:52
In reply to What happens when you don't want to talk?, posted by twinleaf on February 12, 2008, at 0:20:02
Twinleaf, I just had a session like that and left so raw that I cried for days. It was something I had no intention of talking about but dissociated and talked about then. And came back and realized and was like oh my god no. And then I rambled and time was up, and I had to leave. And it was the worst. I decided then and there no more therapy. I have a lot of topics that fit in that category. I fired off an email explaining all this to him. That I have many of these off limits topics. That the one I was telling him was not one I was ready to tell and that I dissociated etc. He called me and wanted to read my journal entry on this subject. He is trying to understand and since I get so frustrated trying to explain he wants to read what I write but I won't share. My therapist says it needs to come out but if I am not ready he backs off. He would like to read the journal but since some many of these flashbacks are there I haven't let him. It is still a matter of trust for me.
Do you know why you can't tell him? I just plain don't feel safe. Some of the flashbacks I don't understand but I have an idea and I am not comfortable admitting this happened to me. Is that it with you?
The one I did tell him about we still dance around because it is very delicate subject too. I can't for the life of me bring it back up. It is painful too. I am thinking I might just make a copy of the journal entry so he can read just one. And then see how i feel about that.
It is good you feel better. I did not feel better that day. It was too abrupt as we ran out of time. But today I feel better. We cleared the air. Maybe you and your therapist have a meeting of the minds and that is good right. I know that overall you and your therapist are doing well right? So this is the worst topic for you or have there many?
It is probably telling him something you have never told anyone and it is keeping that secret so long that makes it hard to tell. Releasing it though is necessary to start healing. Maybe you will get more comfortable. Sometimes I think we should tell our worse thing, get it out and move from there. That way our minds would know well they know our worse and still like us, so they are good people. But it is hard.
I guess mine will let it go to a point but he manages a way back to it. So it is just a reprieve. rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:812182
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812198.html