Posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 18:05:15
In reply to Re: sad again/still » sunnydays, posted by Bodhisattva on December 18, 2007, at 16:41:31
> sunnydays,
>
> Is the center of your sadness that you will not have much contact with him?**** No, I think the very core of it is that I do not want to go home, do not want to be around my family. And then that gets transformed into missing him because he is so opposite my family and I love that so much. Kind of the classic transference. But even knowing that doesn't stop the missing him for some reason.
If so, what is the motivation behind that. You mention that he is not "really" there for you, is that what you are searching for. Someone dependable? Are you looking for some interaction or is there something specific you need to say or discuss?
**** I had wanted to ask him if it really was ok if I was sad and if he would be mad at me if I forgot to do some of the stuff we talked about. He actually did call and we talked for a minute. I really wanted reassurance that I was going to be alright, and I'm pretty sure he knew that since we've talked about why I call when I do call. But I didn't get reassurance, I got, "Well, we both know there's nothing magic that will take it away. Why don't you send me an email in the morning telling me how your evening was?" Which I know is all true and that he meant it compassionately. But the little girl part of me really wanted reassurance and is now terribly sad and I keep thinking that I was bad for calling and that I need to try harder to be good, etc. But I have to fight those feelings. And somehow study for my exams tomorrow.
>
> If it's simply change that makes you sad, Then I'm afraid to say welcome to the human race. People do the strangest things to avoid change, me included. What do you think it is that is bothering you so much?**** Not change. Just not wanting to go to the toxic environment that is my home. And not having much choice in the matter. Although I do hate change.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:801366
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/801445.html