Posted by rskontos on December 14, 2007, at 12:24:19
I am struggling with wanting to see a p-doc and I don't think my therapist would agree. I know she doesn't think meds are helpful with DID and the literature supports this. I understand why. But I disagree with some of her points she made last night in therapy. She doesn't think you should try to remember suppressed, dissociated whatever you want to call it memories, all my splits have these memories, I have virtually none. I know what what i have read to date, that you can in other types of therapy try to get to these memories. I think it is important. Why I can't say. Except that I am and think I always have been a person that wants to know why. I love physics for this reason. I think I might have major in it had I had exposure earlier in life. But when she says I don't think you should go looking for those memories I want to yell well I do. I argued with one of my voices all the way home over this. It shocked me at first to hear a different voice coming from my mouth but I continue the conversation to see if I could get anymore information. I feel I am so split and she does too that i think I need to get some of these memories in order to go further. I am at a point where I feel I cant go further. I have no memories of much of anything. I can't do anything. I am not really depressed, I just don't feel anything because I feel not connected to anything. I am even losing connectedness to my body. It even feels surreal at this point. she called it either depersonalized or derealization I cant' remember now. See what I mean. My memory is getting so bad. I am so into my head these days. I barely remember driving home. I am switching alot. Teen is fighting with my son. I told her on the way home that I would be the only one to interact with him. She can come out to listen to his music but no challenging him. But someone else came out to fight with my h. so I had to leave once he got home or it was not going to be pretty. I can't really control things and she told me to get control but I don't know how. I think remembering is key but how do I do that. They have all the memories I have none. I don't know what else to do but to try find a p-doc that might can meet with me more than she can. One name I got from someone is a pychotherapist. Actually I got two names. One female one male. I thought I might try the male. Since therapist is female. Maybe I will meet once with both and see which I relate too.
Any thoughts as I am thinking I going crazy. I ask T that maybe 5-6 times.. She of course says no. She thinks I am making progress but I don't. I almost left the session, floating away, my body felt far away, I saw everything through a tunnel. She thought all this was good. She says I can get whole. But again I think it is taking long. I know it takes time and she reminding me that I haven't been open with her long. But some important things I thought we should talk about when I dropped hints she didn't really pick up on them. So WTF was that about. Can she not handle the subject or was she waiting me to be more direct. Being direct for me is HARD when the subject is so personal and shameful. These are things no one in the world knows. And it is shameful and disgusting. ok i need to go hide or do some vacuuming. That is my theapy for myself today. clean the house. that might make me feel clean again and not crazy.
Thanks for listening and sorry I can really help support you guys too much today....rk
poster:rskontos
thread:800770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800770.html