Posted by rskontos on October 22, 2007, at 18:42:18
Well, I haven't been doing great but I was not in the darkest despair I had been when today an incident with the lady that works in the model home triggered a panic attack. Somehow my dog got out and ran up the street. I was calling her and usually she comes but the realtor up the street was trying to bring her back. She followed her back I guess to tell me she was in the road and somehow during that she triggered some memory of something bad in my childhood with my mother and I went into a panic attack. I grabbed the dogs and went in. She left. And I stayed in this mode even up to my T session. Of course my T realized it. We talked about it. I blurted out all kinds of things. Things we had been discussing on this site I guess were bothering me about therapy. One thing she had done about not calling me a while back , she kept apologizing and said she knew that had broken a level of trust for me. WOW.. She also knew I never had trust anyone really and she was so sorry she did that to me. WE discuss something else she had said that one of my voices took the wrong way, the inner troubles I was having with my inner kids. She said she knew they would have trouble with some things she said and I needed to always come to her with things I or they misunderstood. And I told her about the discussion my friend had and how I felt she needed a hug and I couldn't give her one. She understood how I can't hug right now and why. She told me she would never try to hug me but if I ever needed one to just ask. I acted like I didn't care but it meant so much. She said my trust issue for other people was big but the biggest issue was me trusting me and I knew that. We cleared up so much. She said she was surprised I shared so much so easily. I said it wasn't easily. I just had to because I had hidden it to long and was getting too depressed about it and dissocating too much and it was getting too hard to live. I told her I had been repressing memories which she said not too unless they are too hard then wait until we were together to deal with them. To try to just let them come. I told her how I can't go anywhere right now and she said that is ok. To talk to my inner kids and reassure them adult me can keep us safe but then if I still can't go in don't. What a relief. To try and go early in morning when other people are likely to be around. And I told we had another ballgame coming up and she gave me permission not to go. I am afraid I will have another case of panic or switching and I can't afford to do either in front of the people that are going. I am not fond of my H's friends that are going not really. The wife is ok but the Husband is not. If I can't get out of it I will fall apart. I just know it. Anyway like Scarlett O'Hara I will think about another day. I have one more T session before the game. I alternative today from feeling too much and this buzzing sound in my ears won't quit. And feeling down. Tomorrow will probably be worst. Thanks for listening. rk
poster:rskontos
thread:790691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071022/msgs/790691.html