Posted by Dory on October 17, 2007, at 8:42:12
In reply to Re: quick note... :o) (possible triggers though) » Dory, posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 8:03:24
it is validation, T likes that word a lot. And the nail on the head, feeling that someone not just got it, but felt it.. felt just really phyiscally bad about it all. It would have been powerful regardless, but that extra bit about how he rarely gets that feeling but did this time.. well, that gets me.
B2.. don't get too excited, i didn't exactly share this in session.. i did the "drop and run" thing with a letter before he went away. He wanted to tell me that he read it and how he reacted. i cannot openly talk about that event yet.. i can give him peripheral details but i can't just say it. He knows that. It was HUGE though to even write it down completely... giving it to him made me want to puke.
i was fully prepared for a nonchalant sort of reception to it... like the not-a-big-deal rxn. i was prepared for something like "... you know, sometimes even small things can impact us in big ways.." Which is true, but it would have confirmed my belief that this was really not that bad.
i wish i hadn't been in such shock.. i remember a few sentences but not the whole thing. i want those words, every single one of them. i want to own them and hold them.
i am blown away.
i just called him and left a message... i don't know if he has left town yet or if he's here until tomorrow. i asked if he really meant it, or if he was blowing it up just to make me feel better. i told him i'd rather just know the truth. But i told him that if he did in fact mean it, please please please, then i want him to leave me a message saying more or less the same sort of thing. i said i was going to dwell on it regardless and i needed to let it sink in.
he has had some resistence to that before, which i hope we've moved past, because he wants me to try to try and examine it myself b/w sessions. He has said i can always call and ask for a call back, but he wants me to get to a point at which i look at the events or words and decide if there is evidence to support my fears or not... basically try to build more trust. i think he understands that is too big of a leap for me yet.. he does now i think.
i hope he realizes that leaving him a message is big step after him being gone, and actually **asking** for something from him again is a HUGE deal. The last time i asked for something i asked if he understood that and he said that yeah, he definitely did but had not wanted to frighten me off by bringing it up.
sometimes he really does amaze me... damn. can't care.. must not care.
poster:Dory
thread:789674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/789729.html